New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
