when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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