he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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