What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
