if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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