It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
We smell like vodka and hangover
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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