I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
