i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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