why didn't you poke me back
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
