oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
