from now on my penis is your penis
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
