I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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