everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
