just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
