i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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