I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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