im drinking this country out of the recession.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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