we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
