She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
