Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Randomize
