Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
