i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
