they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
