her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
