dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
