i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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