I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
