just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
