i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
