when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
either way he was missing a nipple.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
