matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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