On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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