Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Panties = found
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