Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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