why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
