You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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