Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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