i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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