Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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