I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
