I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Mom said you looked used
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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