Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
