Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
