Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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