while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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