I hate your face
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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