exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
