So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
