sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
as a side note pls kill me
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
