Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
