i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
