eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I love having hate sex.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
