Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
