What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
